Let's Talk About Bio Parents!!

Biological parents....eeek.  Well, for the most part, there's a very good reason why their children are no longer in their custody.  Some are grateful that you're caring for their child.  More however, think you've 'stolen' their child.  And really, it's up to you how much interaction you want to have with them.  You can request to have no interaction, meaning you don't have to attend hearings or you can request not to be identified at the hearings.  You can choose not to see the parents when your foster child has parent visits.  We have had caseworkers meet us at the back of the CPS building to take the child in for their parent visit, rather than going in the front door and risking running into the parent.  This was actually suggested by our caseworker with a particular foster child.  She said that the mom had been combative and thought it was in our best interest.  My stance on this, is you're probably going to run into these people  one way or another, especially if you attend the hearings, so might as well rip it off like a bandaid.  Plus.....

Having said that, beware and put your thick skin on!  You may get dirty looks, whispering or even be cussed and yelled at.  Again beware, because parents will tell their lawyers everything you say.  Some bio parents will twist things you say or out and out lie.  We've had minimal issues with this.  The caseworker works closely with the parent or parents and usually has a good idea of their level of crazy.  If you choose to interact with the parents, just keep the conversation short and very surface.  Don't comment on their parenting skills or lack their of.  And be careful when you leave anywhere.  If you can, it's better to let the bio parent leave first, and then walk out to your vehicle. I've had foster parents try and confront me in the parking lot, which is nice when you have their child in tow.  "Wave to mommy, Billy.  She's the one in the cut off shorts, 8 months pregnant, yelling and waving the cigarette around" Ugh

But, in all fairness, most of these parents do love and miss their children.  Love is not enough to care for a child, however.  Their parenting skills suck, but they were most likely parented the same way.  It still pisses me off, though.