1.) You will fall head over heels in love with your foster child. (I know, I know, this will not happen to every foster parent, but it has for us). And dammit, my siblings used to call me the "Ice Queen". I was really looking to my insensitivity to shield me from this particular side of foster care, but it has betrayed me. I've been told by more than one CPS caseworker or CASA caseworker to "guard my heart", but how does one do that?! If you're keeping a child at arm's length, then you're not loving them the way they need to be loved. Foster children leave and chances are, you will never see or hear from them again. Sometimes, I think not knowing how they are after they leave your home is the worst part. Heartache is just something you're going to have to deal with. Can't stomach it? Get a hamster instead.
2.) No one involved in the CPS case is going to give you a pat on the back. Quite the contrary. On the rare occasion you do drop the ball, like not being able to transport a child to their out of town, weekly visit with their parent, you'll hear about it. I ended up having to leave my job an hour early every week, so that I was able to transport our foster son to his out of town visit. I only worked 2 days a week but CPS was unwilling to move the visits to one of the other 3 days I WAS able to transport him. We were told if we could not transport him, he would be moved to another foster home. This child had been in our home for over 3 months, and for CPS to move him out of travel convenience, was unbelievable to me. Each time a child is moved, it's traumatic for them. So, I opted to cut my hours at work.
3.) There's more bureaucratic bullsh*t and politics involved than you can imagine. The CPS process is a slow and painful one. Caseworkers are overloaded and it takes most of them forever to do anything. I have been very vocal when it comes to our foster kids and even their siblings who are in other foster homes and at times the caseworker has felt as if I was "overstepping my boundaries". Sorry, but when a child has been through as much trauma as some of ours and their siblings have and you still have not arranged counseling for them 3 months later, I'm gonna harp on you about it until you do something. Bite me
4.) Biological parents can be very manipulative. Be careful what you say and do when around them.
5.) The stereotype about lawyers being snakes seems to ring true. At least when it comes to a biological parent's attorney. I've seen lawyers defend a mother's right to have all day, unsupervised visits with her children when she has tested positive for meth 2 weeks earlier. Scum
6.) Months after a foster child has left your home, you'll inevitably stumble upon something of his or hers and fall to pieces. I remember a few months after our foster son was placed with a family member, finding one of his little socks behind a couch and sitting on the floor, crying and clutching this little navy and white striped thing. It sucks. It was months before I could even go into his bedroom. I still tear up when I watch video of him running into my husband's arms and saying 'daddy'.
7.) It will affect the children you already have. It is painful and hard to explain to your own child because a good deal of the time, the decisions CPS makes, you don't understand yourself.
Until next time....
