1.) You will fall head over heels in love with your foster child. (I know, I know, this will not happen to every foster parent, but it has for us). And dammit, my siblings used to call me the "Ice Queen". I was really looking to my insensitivity to shield me from this particular side of foster care, but it has betrayed me. I've been told by more than one CPS caseworker or CASA caseworker to "guard my heart", but how does one do that?! If you're keeping a child at arm's length, then you're not loving them the way they need to be loved. Foster children leave and chances are, you will never see or hear from them again. Sometimes, I think not knowing how they are after they leave your home is the worst part. Heartache is just something you're going to have to deal with. Can't stomach it? Get a hamster instead.
2.) No one involved in the CPS case is going to give you a pat on the back. Quite the contrary. On the rare occasion you do drop the ball, like not being able to transport a child to their out of town, weekly visit with their parent, you'll hear about it. I ended up having to leave my job an hour early every week, so that I was able to transport our foster son to his out of town visit. I only worked 2 days a week but CPS was unwilling to move the visits to one of the other 3 days I WAS able to transport him. We were told if we could not transport him, he would be moved to another foster home. This child had been in our home for over 3 months, and for CPS to move him out of travel convenience, was unbelievable to me. Each time a child is moved, it's traumatic for them. So, I opted to cut my hours at work.
3.) There's more bureaucratic bullsh*t and politics involved than you can imagine. The CPS process is a slow and painful one. Caseworkers are overloaded and it takes most of them forever to do anything. I have been very vocal when it comes to our foster kids and even their siblings who are in other foster homes and at times the caseworker has felt as if I was "overstepping my boundaries". Sorry, but when a child has been through as much trauma as some of ours and their siblings have and you still have not arranged counseling for them 3 months later, I'm gonna harp on you about it until you do something. Bite me
4.) Biological parents can be very manipulative. Be careful what you say and do when around them.
5.) The stereotype about lawyers being snakes seems to ring true. At least when it comes to a biological parent's attorney. I've seen lawyers defend a mother's right to have all day, unsupervised visits with her children when she has tested positive for meth 2 weeks earlier. Scum
6.) Months after a foster child has left your home, you'll inevitably stumble upon something of his or hers and fall to pieces. I remember a few months after our foster son was placed with a family member, finding one of his little socks behind a couch and sitting on the floor, crying and clutching this little navy and white striped thing. It sucks. It was months before I could even go into his bedroom. I still tear up when I watch video of him running into my husband's arms and saying 'daddy'.
7.) It will affect the children you already have. It is painful and hard to explain to your own child because a good deal of the time, the decisions CPS makes, you don't understand yourself.
Until next time....
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Monday, February 13, 2017
Let's Talk About Bio Parents!!
Biological parents....eeek. Well, for the most part, there's a very good reason why their children are no longer in their custody. Some are grateful that you're caring for their child. More however, think you've 'stolen' their child. And really, it's up to you how much interaction you want to have with them. You can request to have no interaction, meaning you don't have to attend hearings or you can request not to be identified at the hearings. You can choose not to see the parents when your foster child has parent visits. We have had caseworkers meet us at the back of the CPS building to take the child in for their parent visit, rather than going in the front door and risking running into the parent. This was actually suggested by our caseworker with a particular foster child. She said that the mom had been combative and thought it was in our best interest. My stance on this, is you're probably going to run into these people one way or another, especially if you attend the hearings, so might as well rip it off like a bandaid. Plus.....
Having said that, beware and put your thick skin on! You may get dirty looks, whispering or even be cussed and yelled at. Again beware, because parents will tell their lawyers everything you say. Some bio parents will twist things you say or out and out lie. We've had minimal issues with this. The caseworker works closely with the parent or parents and usually has a good idea of their level of crazy. If you choose to interact with the parents, just keep the conversation short and very surface. Don't comment on their parenting skills or lack their of. And be careful when you leave anywhere. If you can, it's better to let the bio parent leave first, and then walk out to your vehicle. I've had foster parents try and confront me in the parking lot, which is nice when you have their child in tow. "Wave to mommy, Billy. She's the one in the cut off shorts, 8 months pregnant, yelling and waving the cigarette around" Ugh
But, in all fairness, most of these parents do love and miss their children. Love is not enough to care for a child, however. Their parenting skills suck, but they were most likely parented the same way. It still pisses me off, though.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Vocabulary Lesson
Thought I would share some words you will hear when fostering. Most of the legal parties involved in the case will use acronyms for some things. When we first began fostering, I was totally lost. Hopefully, this will help you out a little. *Remember, we live in Texas. Regulations may be different from state to state*
Best Interest- You'll hear this term so often you'll want to throw up! The "best interest" of the child is supposed to always be the primary consideration of the court in determining the issues of conservatorship, possession and access to the child. 'Supposed' to is the key word here, folks.
CASA- Court Appointed Special Advocate, CASA volunteers are appointed by judges to watch over and advocate for abused and neglected children, to make sure they don’t get lost in the overburdened legal and social service system or languish in inappropriate group or foster homes. Volunteers stay with each case until it is closed and the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. CASA is required to visits the child in their foster home at least once a month.
Case Plan: The document that outlines the outcomes, goals, and tasks necessary to be achieved in order to reduce the risk of maltreatment
CPA-Child Placing Agency, an agency which places children, ages birth through 18 years old, in foster homes
Concurrent Planning: Identifies alternative plans for permanent placement of a child by addressing both reunification and legal permanency with a new parent or caregiver if reunification efforts fail.
CPS- Child Protective Services, often referred to as simply "the department". Most of the words I use to refer to CPS are not appropriate.
GAL- Guardian Ad Litem, an individual appointed by the court to represent the best interests of a child or incapacitated person involved in a case in superior court (basically, your foster child's lawyer) Here in Texas, the Guardian Ad Litem is required to 'lay eyes' on the child at least once before a permanency hearing. If the child is an infant, they must only make contact with the foster parent. This is a bull crap. Be prepared for your foster child's lawyer to know very little about them. The meme below: true story....more than once
Fictive Kin- close family friends who have had substantial contact with the child
Family Group Conference- A family group conference is a process led by family members to plan and make decisions for a child who is at risk. It is a voluntary process and families cannot be forced to have a family group conference. Parents, sometimes the child, the parent's lawyer, CASA, the CPS caseworker and the foster parents may attend.
Kinship Care- Kinship care refers to the care of children by relatives. Relatives are the preferred placement for children who must be removed from their birth parents. We have had foster children for 6 months and then had great aunt Sally, who the child has never met, come out of the wood works and want the child placed with her. The requirements for a kinship care placement are far more lenient than they are for non-relative foster care.
Permanent Managing Conservatorship- referred to as PMC- Permanent Managing Conservatorship (PMC) is a legal term in Texas used in child custody cases. It means that a judge appoints a person to be legally responsible for a child without adopting the child. The court can give PMC to someone other than a parent, including DFPS, a relative, a close family friend, or a foster parent. PMC can only be given by a judge. The judge decides the rights and responsibilities, depending upon the specific situation. When someone other than a parent is named as "permanent managing conservator," he or she is given certain rights and duties about caring for the child such as:
Presumed Father- here's a good one, get ready! The 'presumed' father has the legal status and rights of a parent. A man is presumed to be the father of a child if:
-he is married to the mother of the child and the child is born during the marriage
-He is married to the mother of the child and the child is born before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity or divorce
-he married the mother of the child before the birth of the child in apparent compliance with law, even if the attempted marriage is or could be declared invalid, and the child is born during the invalid marriage or before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated.
- he married the mother of the child after the birth of the child in compliance with the law, regardless of whether the marriage is or could be declared invalid, he voluntary asserted his paternity of the child, and
1.) the assertion is in a record filed with the bureau of vital statistics
2.) his is voluntarily named as the child's father on the child's birth certificate or
3.) he promised in a record to support the child as his own
Residential Service Plan (RSP)- A plan describing past behavior problems, with goals and reinforcement information to eliminate the unwanted behavior. Respite Care- Respite is temporary, short-term care provided to individuals with disabilities. Services can be delivered in the individual's home for a few hours or in an alternate licensed setting for an extended period of time. Respite care allows caregivers to take a break in order to relieve and prevent stress and fatigue.
Reunification- This is the goal of every CPS case when they first begin. The goal is to reunite the child with their parent.
SAPCR- Suit Affecting Parent Child Relationship
Service Plan-This is basically the list of things the parent has to do in order to get their children back
Staffing- a meeting in which all legal parties (CPS caseworker, lawyers for child and parent, CASA caseworker, CPS department attorney and sometimes the CPA) to a CPS case attend to discuss the case
Transporter- This is the person who may transport foster child to and from parent visits and if/when they return home. However, in our experience, the foster parent has the option of transporting their foster child to and from parent visits, which we always did.
Termination- when a parent's rights are terminated, meaning they no longer have custody of their child. However, during the duration of a CPS case, the "plan" may change from reunification to termination. This is just a barometer for how well or not so well, the parent is doing regarding working to get their child back. We have had many cases change from reunification to termination, only to be changed back to reunification
Best Interest- You'll hear this term so often you'll want to throw up! The "best interest" of the child is supposed to always be the primary consideration of the court in determining the issues of conservatorship, possession and access to the child. 'Supposed' to is the key word here, folks.
Case Plan: The document that outlines the outcomes, goals, and tasks necessary to be achieved in order to reduce the risk of maltreatment
CPA-Child Placing Agency, an agency which places children, ages birth through 18 years old, in foster homes
Concurrent Planning: Identifies alternative plans for permanent placement of a child by addressing both reunification and legal permanency with a new parent or caregiver if reunification efforts fail.
CPS- Child Protective Services, often referred to as simply "the department". Most of the words I use to refer to CPS are not appropriate.
GAL- Guardian Ad Litem, an individual appointed by the court to represent the best interests of a child or incapacitated person involved in a case in superior court (basically, your foster child's lawyer) Here in Texas, the Guardian Ad Litem is required to 'lay eyes' on the child at least once before a permanency hearing. If the child is an infant, they must only make contact with the foster parent. This is a bull crap. Be prepared for your foster child's lawyer to know very little about them. The meme below: true story....more than once
Family Group Conference- A family group conference is a process led by family members to plan and make decisions for a child who is at risk. It is a voluntary process and families cannot be forced to have a family group conference. Parents, sometimes the child, the parent's lawyer, CASA, the CPS caseworker and the foster parents may attend.
Kinship Care- Kinship care refers to the care of children by relatives. Relatives are the preferred placement for children who must be removed from their birth parents. We have had foster children for 6 months and then had great aunt Sally, who the child has never met, come out of the wood works and want the child placed with her. The requirements for a kinship care placement are far more lenient than they are for non-relative foster care.
Permanent Managing Conservatorship- referred to as PMC- Permanent Managing Conservatorship (PMC) is a legal term in Texas used in child custody cases. It means that a judge appoints a person to be legally responsible for a child without adopting the child. The court can give PMC to someone other than a parent, including DFPS, a relative, a close family friend, or a foster parent. PMC can only be given by a judge. The judge decides the rights and responsibilities, depending upon the specific situation. When someone other than a parent is named as "permanent managing conservator," he or she is given certain rights and duties about caring for the child such as:
- The right to have physical possession and to direct the moral and religious training of the child.
- The duty of care, control, protection, and reasonable discipline of the child.
- The duty to provide the child with clothing, food, shelter, education, and medical, psychological, and dental care.
- The right to consent for the child to medical, psychiatric, psychological, dental, and surgical treatment and to have access to the child’s medical records.
- The right to receive and give receipt for payments for the support of the child and to hold or disburse funds for the benefit of the child.
- The right to the services and earnings of the child.
- The right to consent to marriage and to enlistment in the armed forces of the United States.
- The right to represent the child in legal action and to make other decisions of substantial legal significance concerning the child.
- Except when a guardian of the child’s estate or a guardian or attorney ad litem has been appointed for the child, the right to act as an agent of the child in relation to the child’s estate if the child’s action is required by a state, the United States, or a foreign government.
- The right to designate the primary residence of the child and to make decisions regarding the child’s education.
- The right to consent to adopting the child and to make all decisions about the child that a parent could make, if the parent-child relationship has been terminated or if there is no living parent
Presumed Father- here's a good one, get ready! The 'presumed' father has the legal status and rights of a parent. A man is presumed to be the father of a child if:
-he is married to the mother of the child and the child is born during the marriage
-He is married to the mother of the child and the child is born before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity or divorce
-he married the mother of the child before the birth of the child in apparent compliance with law, even if the attempted marriage is or could be declared invalid, and the child is born during the invalid marriage or before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated.
- he married the mother of the child after the birth of the child in compliance with the law, regardless of whether the marriage is or could be declared invalid, he voluntary asserted his paternity of the child, and
1.) the assertion is in a record filed with the bureau of vital statistics
2.) his is voluntarily named as the child's father on the child's birth certificate or
3.) he promised in a record to support the child as his own
Residential Service Plan (RSP)- A plan describing past behavior problems, with goals and reinforcement information to eliminate the unwanted behavior. Respite Care- Respite is temporary, short-term care provided to individuals with disabilities. Services can be delivered in the individual's home for a few hours or in an alternate licensed setting for an extended period of time. Respite care allows caregivers to take a break in order to relieve and prevent stress and fatigue.
Reunification- This is the goal of every CPS case when they first begin. The goal is to reunite the child with their parent.
SAPCR- Suit Affecting Parent Child Relationship
Service Plan-This is basically the list of things the parent has to do in order to get their children back
Staffing- a meeting in which all legal parties (CPS caseworker, lawyers for child and parent, CASA caseworker, CPS department attorney and sometimes the CPA) to a CPS case attend to discuss the case
Transporter- This is the person who may transport foster child to and from parent visits and if/when they return home. However, in our experience, the foster parent has the option of transporting their foster child to and from parent visits, which we always did.
Termination- when a parent's rights are terminated, meaning they no longer have custody of their child. However, during the duration of a CPS case, the "plan" may change from reunification to termination. This is just a barometer for how well or not so well, the parent is doing regarding working to get their child back. We have had many cases change from reunification to termination, only to be changed back to reunification
CPS Case Timeline- Time Child is Removed from Home- Permanent Placment
This is helpful to have!
Day 1: Removal of Child/Emergency Hearing
CPS may conduct an emergency removal of a child if a CPS worker finds:
• there is a present danger of serious harm to the child in the home
• the caregiver’s protective capacities are insufficient to keep the child safe from the harm; and/or
• there are no reasonable efforts that CPS can make to prevent removal of the child that would be consistent with the safety of the child.
If a child is removed by CPS without a hearing, an emergency hearing must be held by a court on the “first working day” after removal, but no more than three days after removal. At this hearing, the court will determine if the factors listed above exist. If the above-findings are made, the child will remain in the possession of CPS until further order of the court.
Day 14 (after removal): Adversary Hearing
At this hearing the court will enter temporary orders regarding the child or return the child to the parent, guardian or relative if the court finds it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest .If the child is not returned, the court will name CPS as the temporary managing conservator of the child and the temporary orders will set forth guidelines regarding the rights of the parties, visitation, child support, and services to perform (i.e. counseling, substance abuse evaluations, random drug tests, anger management, and parenting classes)
Day 60 (after removal): Status Hearing
Within 60 days after temporary managing conservatorship is awarded at the 14 day Adversary Hearing, the court will review the child’s status and the permanency plan.
Day 180 (after removal): Initial Permanency Hearing
At this hearing the court will perform the following tasks:
• Review or locate any services efforts for the parties and the child
• Review CPS’s efforts in attempting to locate all necessary persons; requesting service of citation; and obtaining assistance from a parent in attempting to locate an absent parent, alleged father, or relative of the child.
• Return the child to the parents if it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest.
• Place the child with a non-parent having standing under Chapter 102 of the TFC if it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest.
• Evaluate CPS efforts to identify relatives with whom placement could be safely made.
• Evaluate the parties’ compliance with temporary orders and the services plan.
• Determine whether the current placement is appropriate for meeting the child’s needs, including with respect to a child who has been placed outside of the state, whether that placement continues to be in the best interest of the child or if any other plans or services are needed to meet the child’s special needs or circumstances.
• Determine plans, services, and further temporary orders necessary to ensure final orders are rendered prior to the dismissal deadline.
Day 270 (after removal): Permanency Hearing
At this hearing the court will perform the same duties and tasks as it did at the 180 day Initial Permanency Hearing. Every 120 days after the 180 day Initial Permanency Hearing, the court will conduct additional permanency hearings and will continue to perform the duties and tasks at each hearing. The court may shorten, but may not extend, the 120 day deadline for subsequent permanency hearings.
Day 360 (after removal): Trial/Dismissal of Suit/Extension of Case
At this stage, the court must enter a final order, dismiss the case, or extend the deadline for the finalization of the case by 180 days if the court finds extraordinary circumstances. “Final order” is an order that does one of the following:
• Returns the child to a parent;
• Grants managing conservatorship to a relative or other person;
• Appoints CPS as the permanent managing conservator; or
• Terminates the parent-child relationship.
At this hearing, the court may also extend the time to enter a final order by an additional 180 days from the original deadline.
Day 540: Dismiss/Return to Monitor/Trial
The case must be dismissed on the next Monday following 18 months from the date the temporary managing conservatorship was granted to CPS unless either:
• A final order has been entered or
• The child has been placed with a parent or relative for up to 180 days of monitoring.
Day 720: Dismiss/Trial
The case must be dismissed or the court must enter a final order regarding the conservatorship of the child by this date.
Day 1: Removal of Child/Emergency Hearing
CPS may conduct an emergency removal of a child if a CPS worker finds:
• there is a present danger of serious harm to the child in the home
• the caregiver’s protective capacities are insufficient to keep the child safe from the harm; and/or
• there are no reasonable efforts that CPS can make to prevent removal of the child that would be consistent with the safety of the child.
If a child is removed by CPS without a hearing, an emergency hearing must be held by a court on the “first working day” after removal, but no more than three days after removal. At this hearing, the court will determine if the factors listed above exist. If the above-findings are made, the child will remain in the possession of CPS until further order of the court.
Day 14 (after removal): Adversary Hearing
At this hearing the court will enter temporary orders regarding the child or return the child to the parent, guardian or relative if the court finds it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest .If the child is not returned, the court will name CPS as the temporary managing conservator of the child and the temporary orders will set forth guidelines regarding the rights of the parties, visitation, child support, and services to perform (i.e. counseling, substance abuse evaluations, random drug tests, anger management, and parenting classes)
Day 60 (after removal): Status Hearing
Within 60 days after temporary managing conservatorship is awarded at the 14 day Adversary Hearing, the court will review the child’s status and the permanency plan.
Day 180 (after removal): Initial Permanency Hearing
At this hearing the court will perform the following tasks:
• Review or locate any services efforts for the parties and the child
• Review CPS’s efforts in attempting to locate all necessary persons; requesting service of citation; and obtaining assistance from a parent in attempting to locate an absent parent, alleged father, or relative of the child.
• Return the child to the parents if it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest.
• Place the child with a non-parent having standing under Chapter 102 of the TFC if it is safe to do so and is in the child’s best interest.
• Evaluate CPS efforts to identify relatives with whom placement could be safely made.
• Evaluate the parties’ compliance with temporary orders and the services plan.
• Determine whether the current placement is appropriate for meeting the child’s needs, including with respect to a child who has been placed outside of the state, whether that placement continues to be in the best interest of the child or if any other plans or services are needed to meet the child’s special needs or circumstances.
• Determine plans, services, and further temporary orders necessary to ensure final orders are rendered prior to the dismissal deadline.
Day 270 (after removal): Permanency Hearing
At this hearing the court will perform the same duties and tasks as it did at the 180 day Initial Permanency Hearing. Every 120 days after the 180 day Initial Permanency Hearing, the court will conduct additional permanency hearings and will continue to perform the duties and tasks at each hearing. The court may shorten, but may not extend, the 120 day deadline for subsequent permanency hearings.
Day 360 (after removal): Trial/Dismissal of Suit/Extension of Case
At this stage, the court must enter a final order, dismiss the case, or extend the deadline for the finalization of the case by 180 days if the court finds extraordinary circumstances. “Final order” is an order that does one of the following:
• Returns the child to a parent;
• Grants managing conservatorship to a relative or other person;
• Appoints CPS as the permanent managing conservator; or
• Terminates the parent-child relationship.
At this hearing, the court may also extend the time to enter a final order by an additional 180 days from the original deadline.
Day 540: Dismiss/Return to Monitor/Trial
The case must be dismissed on the next Monday following 18 months from the date the temporary managing conservatorship was granted to CPS unless either:
• A final order has been entered or
• The child has been placed with a parent or relative for up to 180 days of monitoring.
Day 720: Dismiss/Trial
The case must be dismissed or the court must enter a final order regarding the conservatorship of the child by this date.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Foster Care Turns You Into a Bitc*
When we decided to become foster parents, we had no idea just how heart wrenching it would be and how many times we would go through having to pack up a child, knowing they were going to a place that was not in their best interest. Many times, you are given only hours notice that your foster child is leaving. I don't know if that's good or bad. Sometimes, knowing that your foster child is leaving in a matter of days or weeks is torture.
Dealing with CPS caseworkers who are overloaded with cases is the biggest struggle. Each of our foster children's caseworkers have had at least 30 cases, which ensures they can not devote the time needed to work each one efficiently and have any kind of life outside of their work. But, in my opinion, this is the job they chose and it involves determining how the rest of child's life will play out. We have brought concerns to caseworker's attention when it comes to a parent's behavior during visits, disturbing things we have seen on a parent's Facebook page and even things these parents have told us themselves, and most of the time, it as been ignored. This is incredibly frustrating when your number one priority is the safety and well being of this child that you love.
Dealing with CPS caseworkers who are overloaded with cases is the biggest struggle. Each of our foster children's caseworkers have had at least 30 cases, which ensures they can not devote the time needed to work each one efficiently and have any kind of life outside of their work. But, in my opinion, this is the job they chose and it involves determining how the rest of child's life will play out. We have brought concerns to caseworker's attention when it comes to a parent's behavior during visits, disturbing things we have seen on a parent's Facebook page and even things these parents have told us themselves, and most of the time, it as been ignored. This is incredibly frustrating when your number one priority is the safety and well being of this child that you love.
Since starting foster care, I'm definitely a little more rough around the edges. Having to continually fight to ensure the welfare of your foster child can be exhausting, mostly because a good deal of the time, you're fighting against the very people entrusted to protect them. But don't be afraid to speak up until someone starts listening. It's worth it for these kids.
Here's a list of things you may do that you didn't previous to becoming a foster parent:
Here's a list of things you may do that you didn't previous to becoming a foster parent:
1) cuss a lot (specifically when speaking about anyone from Child Protective Services)
2.) start drinking, just kidding
3.) rethink your life choices
4.) google "how to get a judge fired"
5.) Facebook stalk parents!!!
6.) start filling out an application to become a CPS caseworker, so you can do it the right way!!
7.) write a letter to your foster child's attorney, telling him he/she should consider a different career
8.) have a renewed distaste for anything beurocratic
9.) look at random people with children in the grocery store, park etc. and wonder if they are part of a CPS case
10.) contemplate planting drugs on someone......again, kidding.....it was a fleeting thought 😛
Emojis Most Often Used When Texting Others to Vent About CPS
I hopefully will be adding to this blog weekly, with helpful tips and experiences. Until next time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)